Understanding Influence – How Does Mind Control Look in Relationships?

Leaving Radical Honesty was one of the most difficult decisions of my life so far, which in turn lead me to opening my eyes to the pervasive world of mind control and undue influence. Over the past few months, I've been diving deep into this topic, and what I've discovered is alarming. We're living in a time of a "cult renaissance," where manipulative techniques and unethical marketing tools are readily available, allowing self-proclaimed gurus to prey on vulnerable individuals. This means that anyone with access to these tools can utilize them for their own gain. Even the most skeptical among us can fall victim to these tactics. As world-renowned cult expert Steven Hassan says, "If you think you're immune to mind control, you're the most vulnerable to it." This blog post will shed light on the subtle and dangerous techniques of mind control, helping you recognize them in your own life and protect yourself from their harmful effects.

Influence is a Spectrum

What exactly is mind control? It's often referred to as manipulation, thought reform, brainwashing, coercive persuasion, and many other terms. This lack of a single definition creates confusion, often benefiting those who use it covertly.

David McDermott, who spent 12 years studying influence in personal development, explains that mind control exists on a spectrum. At one end, we have ethical and respectful influence, which honors individual rights. At the other, we have destructive influence, which strips a person of their identity and critical thinking abilities.

• Undue Influence: This involves exploiting a position of trust or power to manipulate someone's decisions.
• Cult: A group or relationship that uses manipulative tactics to control members or partners.
• One-on-one cults: These are intimate relationships where one person abuses power to manipulate another, such as in a teacher/student, therapist/client, or spousal dynamic.

Recently, I watched a compelling conversation between Dr. Janja Lalich and Dr. Ramani where Dr. Ramani drew a powerful parallel between narcissistic abuse and cult dynamics, highlighting the shared tactics and devastating effects. You can watch the video here.

Mind Control vs. Brainwashing: A Subtle Difference

Dr. Steve Hassan distinguishes between mind control and brainwashing. In brainwashing, the victim recognizes the aggressor as an enemy, often using physical force. Mind control, however, is more subtle. The manipulator is often seen as a friend or teacher, leading the victim to willingly share information that is then used against them.

• Brainwashing often uses physical coercion, effects may fade upon escape.
• Mind control relies on psychological manipulation, alters beliefs and behaviors, and is often perceived as willingly chosen by the victim.

A List of Mind Control Tools

Here are some common tactics used in mind control:

Emotional Manipulation Tactics:

• Love Bombing: Overwhelming someone with affection and praise.
• Reciprocity: Using favors to create obligation.
• Commitment and Consistency: Exploiting someone's desire to appear consistent.
• Authority: Using perceived expertise to gain compliance.
• Scarcity: Creating a sense of urgency and limited availability.
• Social Proof: Leveraging the actions of others to influence behavior.
• Likeability: Gaining trust through charm and flattery.
• Urgency: Pressuring someone to make quick decisions.
• Weaponized Responsibility: Blaming the victim for their own abuse.
• Shaming and Guilt-tripping: Using emotional manipulation to control behavior.
• Weaponized confessions: Using information that was shared in confidence, against the confider.

Psychological Manipulation Tactics:

• Trance and Hypnosis: Inducing altered states of consciousness.
• Guided Imagery: Using storytelling to influence thoughts and emotions.
• NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming): Using language and behavior to manipulate.
• Indirect Directives: Implied commands.
• Double Binds: Conflicting messages that create confusion.
• Double Standards: Applying different rules to different people.
• Peer Pressure and Modeling: Using social influence to control behavior.
• Thought-terminating Cliches: Using phrases to shut down critical thinking.

Remember, marketing often relies on psychological persuasion, and it's a continuum from respectful to destructive. The context matters greatly. You can read more about physical manipulation in Margaret Singer's book, Cults in Our Midst. Additionally, the Netflix docuseries How to Become a Cult Leader and The Vow provide valuable insights.

Why It's Hard to See the Truth?

Understanding that undue influence is built on rapport and emotional connection is crucial. Manipulators often use "bait-and-switch" tactics, keeping their victims confused and unaware.

Another key factor is denial. It's difficult to admit that someone you trusted has manipulated you. As David McDermott notes, "even when the victim is free of the influence of the manipulative personality, the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors persist largely because the victim believes they have made these decisions themselves."

Recognizing Control: Essential for Professionals

Coaches, therapists, and counselors must understand these abuse tactics. Without this knowledge, they cannot effectively help clients who have experienced manipulation.

• Couples counseling is ineffective when one partner is abusive.
• Honesty and vulnerability with controlling individuals can be dangerous.
• Leaving a toxic relationship does not end the effects of mind control.

Narcissistic abuse recovery and cult survivor support require specialized therapists and exit counselors.

To learn more about the effects of mind control, check out these articles by David McDermott: Narcissistic Boyfriend, Narcissistic Husband, Controlling Behavior In A Relationship, and Being in an Abusive Relationship. You can also find valuable resources on the National Sexual Violence Resource Center website, including information about the Power and Control Wheel.

it's important to understand that leaving a toxic relationship does not end mind control. The relationship lives in the victim's mind for years unless appropriate support is provided. That's why for narcissistic abuse recovery, you need a therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse; for cult survivors, you need an exit counselor or a cult-survivor-trained therapist.

If you suspect you or someone you know is under undue influence, seek specialized support. Use online resources to find experts in your area. If you're unsure, feel free to email me, and I can offer resources. Please note that I am not a licensed therapist or abuse recovery specialist, but I can provide information.

P.S. Here is the document that helps us collect negative experiences with the Radical Honesty Institute. You can share it and use it to share your own experience.